Mirror

I stood in front of the mirror today.

Naked.

Drops of water from my shower cooling before disappearing from my skin.

I stared. At my body. A silent stand off between judge and defendant. Pleading the case for more attention. Begging for reprieve.

Unprepared to give it but transfixed at seeing myself for the first time in weeks. Months. Years. Ever.

I did not critisize. I did not turn away. I did not press the excessive curves into more appealing dimensions. I did not cover scars with hands and pretend they did not exist. I did not view myself as a tumescent man would.

I made no moves to cock my head teasingly.
I did not shift my hips temptingly.
I left my breasts bare and untouched, brazenly.

The body before me would not be splayed out for my own or another's pleasure.

I existed for moments longer than I had ever been allowed or allowed myself.
There was no goal in mind, no task to attend to, no event to dress for, no schedule to keep. I did not have to rush past my own existence into a day serving others. a week, a month, a life serving everyone but me.

I asked nothing from the body before me. I did not accept what I saw in the mirror knowing for the first time that there is no ability to accept that which contains no choice. I am. That is all and everything. Nothing as well.

I stood in front of the mirror today.